dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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