Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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