okay pat passed out under dana's car
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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