I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
