I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
