I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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