You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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