was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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