I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think my mom watched the whole time
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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