I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
