Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
