He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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