I'm gonna have a badass scar
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
