Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
