my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
