i jhust puked up my retainher.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
