My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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