his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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