yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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