I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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