Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
