epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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