what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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