hell yes lets make some ravioli
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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