She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
