matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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