I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
soo... how was my night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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