my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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