he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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