Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
