Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
