Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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