so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How does one acquire holy water?
Please don't give away my fajitas
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
