Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
