I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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