Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
