the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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