Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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