i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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