she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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