he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
