tell your sister to shave her snatch
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
