I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
