jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
