Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
