Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need a beard to bite.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
