i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
