i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
