Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
