We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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