I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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