his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
