i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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