Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
