Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
