i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
