thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
