I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
