The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
