Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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