I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
