drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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