Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
