is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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