Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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