come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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