dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
