So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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