It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
