You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
