So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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