Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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