Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
