This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
